Monday, 23 June 2008
-
contradiction
it's funny how after my ex dumped me i wrote him a looong letter, wishing him much happiness and finding a girl that will love him. at the time i truly felt that way. looking back i wonder if i really mean it b/c now i can't even stand the sight of him. i find myself hoping that he and his gf would break up n then berate myself for thinking of such an evil thought. contradicting don't u think?
i know that i still have feelings for him (there's no doubt about that with the symptoms of racing heart beats, stomach being tied into a knot, sadness after the encounterment, jealousy, etc.) 3 looong years since our break up i might add. i know i love my current bf, bryan, but yet i still think about my ex (it's unfair for bryan, i know).
i saw him today, we didn't look at each other (well, from my part anyway. i don't know about him). afterward, i said bye to his dad and cousin but not him. y should i say bye to him right? then i scolded myself for not being friendly (me blowing off our chance of ever getting back). honestly, there is some part deep inside of me that wants him back but rationally i don't want him for the man that he is. maybe somewhere down the road when he has matured and grown as a person then perhaps i can accept him n forgive him for dumping me but just maybe...to sum it all up, i guess i'm indecisive. i don't know what i want. i'm happy with my bf but the ghost from my past still haunts me. it would be wonderful if i can see the future n see who i will end up with. that would make things a whole lot easier, preventing me from getting hurt or maybe hurting other individuals. the feeling of being dumped is heart wrenching, i have experienced it twice and i don't want to go through it again.
they say the first cut is the deepest and i say first love can't be erased even if u try. the more u try to forget the more u reminisce about the past. this is for patrick---my first love n everything in between, the jerk that broke my heart, n also the guy i can't seem to let go.
-
recommend
- recs 0
-
share
-
email
- sent 0
Post a Comment
- Back to FirstLoveCannotBeErased's Xanga Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in FirstLoveCannotBeErased's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
Comments (2)
I would love to share stories with you.
If you ever need any insight, I'm only one click away. =]
I'm sorry that it's hard for you to move on, but do remember, you shouldn't forget about your ex; instead, find ways to make peace. It may necessitate you avoiding him for some time, but in the end, I hope that maybe you can come to terms with them and become friends in the future.
With an ex of mine--we stopped talking for 3 years, and now we're fine friends--and I'm glad.
In the end, I hope you find the strength to move on.
And do remember, falling in love sometimes has it's price. Sometimes, the price is getting hurt x-times so that when he truly comes along, you'll know without question.