Monday, 16 June 2008
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Deja Vu
It's suffocating, I can't seem to concentrate on work. "You always get mad at me!" are his words that linger in my head. Apparently, he is not the only one that feels that way about me. My ex bf said that to me nothing was ever good enough. I must be a horrible person, irritable and quick-tempered. Why do I always get mad over the littlest thing??? My fucking problem is that I care too much, expect too much and get all emotional and worked up when things don't go as planned. Now I am afraid that history will repeat itself and I will drive the person I love away with my "pickiness."
Last night when he drove me home, we got into an argument. Then tears were rolling down his cheeks. It broke my heart seeing him like that. He isn't the crying type. He even said that he wouldn't never cry. Yet, there he was--all quiet and in tears. I knew there was nothing I could do to make it better. At that time I was crying myself. I wanted him to come in the house and stay with me for a little bit. We both could use a little comfort and I was afraid that he was in no state to drive. He was kind of drunk--rambling on a lot, and repeating himself. He told me wanted to head back home to join his family, everybody was still over there celebrating Father's Day and said that he would call me to let me know that he got home safely.
About 15-20 minutes later I called him on his cell phone. The drive from my house to his house is about 5 minutes. After 2 tries and he didn't pick up, I called his house. I was getting worried that something happened to him. Why didn't he call me to tell me he got home safely? Did he get into a car accident or did he get pulled over? His sister-in-law picked up the phone and said that he hadn't been home. I called his cell again but nothing. At this point, I was mad and decided to give up.
I went to brush my teeth and wash my face. I checked my phone and saw 1 missed call. The call was from him so I returned his call. Came to find out that he was hanging out with his friends. He had the time to hang out with his friends but didn't even bother calling me to tell me he was okay and there I was worrying sick about him. And to think that I asked him to stay but he refused since he wanted to spend time with his family. He blows me off quite often to hang out with his buddies although he would tell me he is going home. Maybe after our argument he isn't in the mood to hang around me. I don't know what is his reason but the fact that while I was all worried about him he was having a good ole time and neglecting to call me to inform that he was alright. In addition, he lied about getting back to join his family. Don't tell me one thing and be doing another. Fuck! If staying with me is that hard, I would rather you be up front about it than lied and then I found out about it.
I don't know where his head was at or what was he thinking? In addition, he even said that he would call me back later while he was hanging out with his friends. Being the sucker that I am, I believed him each time. I stayed up and waited for him. Part of it because he said that he would call me, part of it because I couldn't sleep because my anguish was eating me.
Now you tell me who is to blame? Am I that fucking horrible?
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Comments (3)
As I said in the other guy's post,
"It's not what happens to you that matters, it's how you handle it."
yeah..my parents just, they don't understand anything and drive me insane. like past that. i don't ever hate anyone but i think i hate my parents.
i don't think its your fault in your problem. he shouldn't have said one thing and done another. or at least should have been upfront about it. if he didn't wanna hang with you after the argument, yeah you'd be upset but its understandable since you just argued. but to liie is another thing. boys are dumb! don't let it get to you sweetheart. if he's not gonna take the time to call you, especially if he says he would, its not worth getting upset over.
Oooooh, NO.
Firstly, don't beat yourself up over the argument. ALL couples argue at least a little bit. And don't feel like it's WRONG for you to expect him to call you to resolve things. He's your man, it's almost like his duty. It's just lame, because most males handle things that way. Where girls wants to fix things and not go to bed anrgy, the guy just wants to blow off some steam and escape it for awhile. But that is in no way an excuse for him to have completely neglected to call you when he said he would. Didn't he stop to think about how that would make you feel? It's a terrible feeling to try to sleep knowing full well that the two of you weren't on the best of terms. He should've realized that. You shouldn't have to play the waiting game with your boyfriend. He should be making the effort! Don't blame yourself for feeling that way... You had every right.